Boy does rejection suck, no matter the circumstances! You put yourself out there and go after something you want, and then you get ghosted. Nada! No response. Nothing. You’re left hanging (that’s the worst).

Of course, being told “no, we chose someone else” isn’t much better. Bit of a slap in the face, really, or perhaps a jab to the gut. It can reinforce our belief that we’re not good enough. But what if it didn’t mean that?

Maybe they’re just busy or the dog ate their lunch (isn’t that what kids say)? Who knows what their excuse is? But their reaction is not your responsibility. You can only do you.

So, what’s really going on?

“WHAT’S MEANT FOR YOU WILL FIND YOU, NOT PASS YOU BY.”

— Unknown source

It’s all about alignment

“No” is simply telling us that something is not a fit for us – right now, and possibly for the foreseeable future. Essentially, we or what we want, just isn’t a match with the opportunity we’re pursuing at the moment. Maybe someone or something else is a better fit – for them and for you! Or maybe it’s just not the right time and place right now.

None of us likes getting doors slammed in our face. And yet, it can be better to know that an opportunity is closed than hanging open. When one door closes, another opens up or if you’re in The Matrix, maybe you need to climb through a window.

Writing this newsletter prompted me to say No, thank you. I decided to let someone know I wasn’t interested in their offer. Do I always communicate with a formal response? No, and certainly not to all the unsolicited outreach that bombards me on a daily basis. But when there was a connection, I like to share that I’ve made a decision or chose to move in a different direction out of respect. And of course, who knows, maybe circumstances will change in the future.

It can be thoughtful to provide some closure. Otherwise, we have all these dangling unrequited connections hanging out there, flapping in the breeze (quite literally leaving open cords on an energetic level). If only all prospective employers or partners were gracious enough to tell you what’s really going on, it would make job search or dating more civilized, not to mention educational.

Recall that infamous Sex and the City “aha” moment when Miranda learns: “He’s just not that into you.” Of course, it can take some time to process disappointment and fully integrate that you need to move on, but this is where getting an honest perspective or having someone tell it to you straight is helpful.

I sometimes read tea leaves or cacao grinds (yup, that’s really a thing). But if you’re not so inclined, you may want to read the room, check in with your intuition, and reflect on what you think might really be going on. Is there something here for you to learn? Was there a cue that you might have missed? Maybe there’s a lesson for you in there, but not necessarily.

So if you’re afraid of rejection or perhaps you’ve been experiencing more of it than you’d like, maybe it’s time for a reframe. It’s not really about you. Unless, of course you want it to be.

It’s your choice, as much as anyone else’s, how actively you pursue something. If you want it badly, then you need to do your homework and find a way through. Now that doesn’t mean that they’ll want you back. But again, what they think is not your business. You can only do what you can do.

The Back Story

We can’t know the reasons for everything that happens. Perhaps the company has an internal candidate (son of the CEO’s best friend for instance) or the meet cute met someone else they clicked with just before you (crappy timing!?!). Maybe they need a particular skill set or prefer blonds and you’re brunette, but they don’t want to come right out and say it. There’s no accounting for taste.

I have countless stories about disappointments that turned into fortunate outcomes for the right reasons. From my experience, often the one that got away is more likely a blessing in disguise.

Like the recruiter who told me he wouldn’t put me forward for a senior communications job I was 120% qualified for (I’d previously worked for the company, knew the leadership team, and had the required skills and then some) because the hiring manager only wanted a former journalist (not me). That was likely never going to be much of a fit.

Or the verbal offer for a CMO role at a tech company I received pre-COVID, after which both the CEO and company ghosted me (how rude!). That miss ultimately gave me time to be with my dad before he passed, which never would have happened if I were working 80+ hours a week and travelling internationally. I later learned they had massive turnover in the C-suite and a toxic culture that likely would have chewed me up and spit me out within a year.

And then there was the CEO who withdrew a written offer after I had one more question about the package. I could go on. I know that not getting any of those jobs was actually fortunate for me for multiple reasons. Ok, so my desire for a big exit pay off never materialized, but it’s 5 years later and that tech company still hasn’t been sold, so it would have been a long slog.

Instead, I had quality time with my dad and discovered even better opportunities for me where my unique skills were valued. I have no doubt that I got the best deal in each case. which was in fact PRICELESS.

So the next time someone gives you a no, think about what new opportunity you can say YES to and stop looking back with regret. Trust that the universe has your back and you’re meant for something different and likely better aligned with who you really are!

Reframing is Power

So often, we make a story about why something has happened that just isn’t true. We think it was our fault or we interpret something in the worst way possible to make ourselves feel like sh*t as if we were at fault. Maybe we like playing the victim. There are so many ways that we make ourselves bad, wrong, helpless, hopeless, or imperfect.

But that’s not the truth.

In my REVEAL Report, I will help you debunk whatever false story you’ve been telling yourself. I will help you reinterpret your experience in new ways that help you move forward. With your input, I will identify and release the biggest challenge keeping you stuck and holding you back from your vision. You will receive a personalized report with powerful insights and practices to help you return to your center. We see where you are out of alignment within your mind, body or spirit to return this stuck energy to a natural state of flow. Learn more HERE.

I recommend rituals to shift your behavior, affirmations to change your mindset, and intuitively pull an oracle or tarot card to give you insight. I’ll also share a recorded video for more inspiration and guidance. Get the report and recording for $111, and add on private coaching for $222 (for a 45-minute session) for more personalized input around your challenge. Get a bonus customized astrology reading for the first 5 people ($111 after that). Get it now HERE.

Find Your Flow

Why do I keep talking about moving energy? Have you ever wanted to scream, but couldn’t? Well, that’s because your energy got trapped, but really wanted and needed to move. Screaming is so powerful because it lets us release our voice, and we probably have lots to say. This is why deep breathing can also be helpful to connect with your body and calm your nervous system.

Each of us is unique in how we respond to our circumstances. Some of us choose (or default) to internalize stress (think silent brooding or stonewalling), while others externalize (like losing one’s temper or going for a run). Some ways of coping can support us if they are constructive and done with awareness. Other times, our default strategies can simply be disguised avoidance.

I’ll never forget the founder who told me she had stopped therapy and couldn’t afford coaching while her business was imploding, yet she kept her gym membership to get her through. I like kickboxing as much as the next person to release aggression and even considered starting a founder fight club, but exercise alone without awareness will not solve big issues. It might minimize stress temporarily, but that’s simply a coping mechanism.

Sure, a walk in the park can do wonders to connect us with nature and ground us, but that is not going to resolve deep-seated, long-standing or underlying issues that keep us from stepping into our power and standing in our truth.

If you think you could benefit from a fresh perspective, I know the REVEAL Report can support you in resolving your primary challenge and moving forward with more ease (purchase yours HERE).

Getting to YES!

Want more success in your work and love life (heck, who doesn’t)? You’re in luck! I outlined a road map for you in my book, So What Do You Do? The Authentic Alchemy Path to Find Who You Are. Follow my heart-centered guide to uncover more self-awareness and empowerment. Not a reader, then let’s talk! Schedule a complimentary Discovery Call to discuss your big vision and what might be getting in the way. Let’s create your action plan and explore how coaching can accelerate your journey to more fulfillment and alignment.