…. unless you want to. I have these recurring dreams of working in offices. Walking down long grey lifeless corridors. Sitting in cubicles and through long meetings surrounded by nameless, faceless people. Going to the cafeteria. Being called into the boss’ office. Doing meaningless work.

Meanwhile, I haven’t worked in an office for well over a decade and still those environments haunt me. I think these dreams show up for me at moments when I’m feeling pressure (completely self-imposed) to produce some output or I worry how others may judge me. They bring back memories of stress, performance and production.

On some level, my mind seems to be reminding me of the structure, rigidity and old roles I used to play in service of the machine. Bringing me back to how I used to feel or suggesting what I may need now so I can choose a new way forward. I’m not exactly sure which. Thankfully I get to interpret them in whatever way feels supportive without having to return to those places and relive my past. Now, I get to make different choices.

Since starting my own business and making my own rules, I have clearly chosen a different, less conventional and more independent path than before. And yet the emotional tie to who I was remains. It’s not uncommon to unwittingly become attached to how and where we were.

For many years, my corporate persona formed a large part of my identity as a marketing executive. It still figures as an important influence that has shaped who I am today, even though I set aside that role long ago. I’ve brought it to the fire to burn it away multiple times to release its attachment to me (and my attachment to it).

Why? Because over-identifying with roles can cause us to narrowly define ourselves, which can limit our possibilities. We are more than the different hats we wear – we contain multitudes.

Expanding Your View

Rather than being a launch expert or career coach or however I may have been pegged in the past, I want to be known for my values, insights and personality. And the value I bring in guiding others to find more fulfillment in their work and life now.

I’ve shared before that I rarely identify with the label of career or executive coach anymore which is why I now call myself The Work-Life Alchemist, a Life Path Guide, Energetic Alignment Strategist and Business Thought Partner to describe the work I do. I want others relate to my breadth, not just some narrow job function or role I perform that’s like a hollow shell or peg to stick in a hole.

Being boxed into anything can be very limiting, even though it does have its advantages. On the one hand, it’s invaluable for us to be known for something – to become “iconic” or that person. In my branding days, I extolled the value of uncovering unique positioning. Clarity, focus and distinctiveness – knowing what we do incredibly well, how and why – are important ways to differentiate ourselves from the hundreds (or thousands) of others doing similar things.

I’ve advised many founders and seekers to carefully define their expertise and goals so others know how to relate to and support them more easily. Giving someone a specific ask and orientation is far more relatable than having no idea what you want. When you could do anything or be anyone, then you end up being nothing special to no one.

This can feel like a dilemma for those of us trying to reinvent ourselves or step out in new and different ways. How can we get beyond how others have known or seen us? How do we integrate new and different aspects of ourselves to feel more complete when that might rock the boat? Can we distinguish ourselves from the pack and also be seen as the best choice for an opportunity?

You are unique! You have a special secret sauce, an inimitable mix that makes you YOU and this is a gift. We have to embrace our differences and also recognize common points of connection. To acknowledge where and how we can fit without having to conform at the cost of our individuality.

It can be hard to break with type, both for ourselves – how we know and talk about ourselves and our capabilities – and for others to see us in different ways than the context they’ve know us in. Yet it is possible to evolve in new ways. We can change others perceptions once we decide what we want, even if that takes time.

Getting Beyond Who You Were

So how can you move towards creating something new? This could include pursuing a new role, changing careers completely or just trying to step into a better, happier, more fulfilled and fun version of yourself.

Here are some suggestions.

• Clarify your focus. Determine what you want and then point yourself in that direction. If you are hoping to shift towards something new, then educate yourself about what you want and start to embody that future self as much as possible. The more you keep looking backwards towards the past, the harder it will be to move forwards toward the future. Our energy will follow where our attention is being placed.
• Update your messaging. It’s important to change your story and begin talking about what you care about now. This lets others connect with your new energy. Sure you can bring up relevant past experiences, but don’t dwell on what you want to move away from (de-emphasize what you’re no longer interested in to avoid getting pulled back to it). When others bring up the past, you can explain its connection to where you are now by translating, transferring and describing the transformation you’ve undergone to your new and current way of being.
• Start walking your talk. Stepping into something new requires living from that reality so that it’s believable. This may require a brief period of “fake it until you make it”. It’s not uncommon to undergo a transitional learning period as your skills, comfort level and confidence develop. It’s natural to not immediately become someone different – it can take time to integrate new ways of being.
• Be patient, yet persistent. You have to keep showing up as the new you and the person you want to be, even when it feels challenging or you doubt yourself. Stick with it! Your commitment to your future self will pull you forward in the direction you want to go.

Remember when making a conscious choice to change your trajectory, you need to actively engage in breaking the old ties that bind. At some point, we need to detach from who we were to become who we are meant to be (insert pupa to butterfly metaphor here). Forward momentum is needed to break through the inertia of being who you were and what you were known for to claim something new.

Sometimes it can take a while for others to shift their view of you. Some may resist seeing you the way you want, and that’s to be expected, after all they may be attached to your old role for some selfish reason of their own. That’s when we need to explore new places and spaces that can appreciate us for who we are becoming.

I remember a high achieving client who had been demeaned and undermined by a former boss at every turn, even though she got rave reviews from all her other colleagues. After more than a decade at that company, she got recruited for an MD role at a top investment bank which she rightfully deserved. Before starting, we helped her heal the ego damage from those previous experiences and the bad boss, so she could fully step into her new leadership with confidence and optimism.

Cutting ties can be the healthiest thing you do for yourself. Whether you want to reposition yourself professionally or change yourself completely, you can rewrite your story with a new and happy ending.

Dreaming a new dream

Our dreams don’t need to be nightmares or unfulfilled possibilities. We need to listen to the big dreams that are calling us forward. Some dreams can give us information about what might be possible and what might be getting in our way. I see them as sources of information, and powerful signs of what’s may be going on in our subconscious.

When your dreams bring up the past, like mine did, know that you are being given some insight to unravel. Another client recently had bad memories surface as she was interviewing for a new role. Fortunately she was able to interpret these as a warning about things to avoid in the future, rather than letting them block her from moving forward.

Let your dreams guide you to more clarity and inspire you to go after what you want. I’d love to hear about any meaningful dreams that helped inform your choices and move you in a new direction.

If you’re interested in gaining more insight to inform your choices or how to navigate an evolving identity, let’s connect. I love uncovering dreams, so they can reveal what might be possible for you. Schedule a Life Path Audit here. Together we will explore what you dream of creating.

To more insight and pleasant dreams,

Lenore

P.S. Want to realize your dreams? Schedule a Life Path Audit Call here to explore your next level of growth and how transformational coaching can support you.