Questions to Reflect On

Here are some thoughts to consider about your work (and / or relationships).

• Were you aligned in your understanding and expectations?
• What did you learn from this growth opportunity?
• Did you have shared values, priorities and goals?
• What attracted you to them in the first place?
• Did you even like them? Or were you simply captivated by some idealized vision of who or what they could be (their name, standing, reputation, or other perceived appearances)?
• What benefits and advantages did being with them offer you?
• Did you have the freedom and flexibility you need to be happiest?

These are some ways to reframe and assess our experiences. This is where it helps to be honest about what was really going on.

Sometimes a cool exterior (modern office, free snacks and beer on tap) can seem appealing, until you realize it’s masking underlying toxic conditions (for instance, work ’til you drop culture, lack of respect for boundaries, or feel good perks that don’t actually make up for the stress). Are you seeking the right things that will bring you the connection you desire?

Focus on What Matters

I don’t believe we only have one soul mate in life, just like I don’t believe there’s a single perfect job. Our needs change over time, depending on our age and stage. It’s not uncommon for our priorities to shift at different times and to enjoy exploring multiple possibilities. However, once you’re clear on what you want and need for happiness and fulfillment, then all manner of things can conspire in your favor to connect you with what you want.

First and foremost, focus helps you know what to look for. Knowing what you want causes you to ask more thoughtful questions and also helps others to assess whether what they have is a fit for you. Not finding your match can actually be a blessing in disguise – if they or you realize you’re not looking for the same things. And once you start communicating your interests, additional support becomes available because others can make referrals and point you in the right direction.

Before you know it, the right opportunities start opening up and becoming available. Why? Because clarity is like a magnet that attracts those who resonate with your frequency.

This doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right attitude, energy, attention and intention, you can start attracting more soul-aligned people, places and things toward you. And who doesn’t want that?

The Power of Synchronicity

Now maybe you’re a skeptic and this perspective feels too woo for you. Let me give you an example from my work with MBA students. Consider one who says “I’m looking for a project manager role at a CPG firm” (pretty generic) vs. “I’d love to drive sustainable change by innovating supply chain reduction strategies at a medium-sized mission-driven organization” (more specific). Which one is likely to find what they’re looking for faster and more easily?

The first person could end up anywhere, whereas the second has identified a much narrower field, but will clearly know whether when they’ve identified an aligned match and makes it easier for others to help them.

This is how I’ve seen it work for myself and others. Clarity on what makes you happy and what won’t makes you less willing to settle and have the wool pulled over your eyes or be taken for a ride.

Self-awareness acknowledges that our needs can change. Opportunities that used to be a fit or seem to check external boxes (salary, title, location) may not meet our internal criteria (values, culture, flexibility). We can recognize less ideal fits, since we may have outgrown them as we become more intentional and conscious in our choices.

This is natural and as it should be. Awareness requires listening to your inner wisdom, trusting your gut and avoiding red flags.

Some people come into our lives for a season, reason or a lifetime.

A Match Made in Heaven

What’s true for our connections is also true for our work. Do you want to get married to your job (and sadly, most of us inadvertently are)? Regardless, consider playing the field and dating around. Who knows, maybe all you need is a little fling or short-term love affair. No harm in that. We can enjoy a good time, then move on to something more meaningful.

I’m not meaning to be flippant, just saying it like it is. Not everything is meant to be for keeps. Least of all employment in today’s crazy uncertain political and economic environment. We need to go into everything – our work and relationships – with eyes wide open!

Sometimes we need to take the good with the bad and see things for how they really are. Some situations are not meant to be long-term, but rather to give us more knowledge and insight about ourselves, possibly on the way to a real relationship with more depth and connection.

So the next time a potential employer (or date) ghosts you, don’t take it personally. Move on to the next opportunity that will appreciate your unique gifts and sparkling personality. There are plenty of fish in the sea! And while you’re fishing, make make sure you’re in the right pond where the fish actually are swimming.

For more advice, on love, life and work, you know where to find me:) I’m always happy to remind you of your value, help you clarify your focus so you’re pursuing the right opportunities and tell it to you straight. You can and will find the next best opportunity for you with some humor and persistence!

Join my Mastermind!

If you’ve been looking to make progress on your big goals and are ready to try a new approach, you may love my group mastermind (learn more and get an overview here) for leaders, soulpreneurs and founders. I will guide you through the Authentic Alchemy Path, my practical eight-step framework for driving transformation and change. Expect to get clarity on your goals, focus on the right action steps, build your confidence and do it all with more ease, accountability and support.

I can’t wait to share this exciting approach that will deliver results over 10 weeks (from April 4 to June 13 in 9 Friday sessions). If you’ve ever wanted to work with me, I will not be offering an opportunity like this again. The Early Bird special price includes the mastermind group, 3 private coaching sessions and a private tarot counseling session, but it’s only available until March 8.

Book a complimentary discovery call here to explore more about whether the Mastermind or private transformational coaching with me could be a fit.

Get The Companion Workbook

My paperback book is live for So, What Do You Do? The Authentic Alchemy Guide to Find Who You Are, along with a printed Companion Workbook to write, reflect and capture your thoughts. The Workbook includes all the exercises, check-ins, practices and rituals, so you can review your progress in one place – check it out here.

Join me live in NYC!

FIf you want to hang out, connect and buy my books (Yes, Please!!!!), then come to my upcoming events later this month. I’ll be talking about how to find more fulfilling work aligned with your values and signing books.

On Friday, March 21 at 6pm I will be speaking with the Director of Bard’s MBA in Sustainability program in DUMBO about how to create authentic and sustainable leadership – you can register here. This free event will have light refreshments.

For my Columbia peeps, I’m leading an interactive workshop in mid-town on Showing Up as Your Full Self – to Drive Impact at Work and Beyond, on Wednesday, March 26 at 6pm, sharing practical strategies from the book – purchase tickets here.

To finding love in all the right places!

Lenore