We like to think that we’re masters of our own destiny, the captains of our ship. And largely, it’s true that we’re responsible for our actions and can direct our choices. Yet, our reactions and subconscious programming often tell another story and may be running the show in the background.

How does this work? Multiple influences permeate our thoughts and belief systems. I’m not talking about a conspiracy theory, though telling fact from fiction is getting harder these days, but rather which (often unhelpful) beliefs we have internalized without realizing it.

Have you ever thought, what would Dad do? Or that reminds me of something my grandmother used to say! Or perhaps, my religion frowns on that and possibly, since my friends are doing this, shouldn’t I?

The list of spoken and unspoken rules guiding our lives is long. And these work for us until we question, fall out of line or try to make different choices that go against the grain. When we try to counteract the assumptions we live by, it can feel like we’re breaking the law. And we are in effect changing the rues, which can cause existential panic as we worry about the consequences, like what will “they” think?

Doing our own thing or anything different from set expectations can bring us face-to-face with barriers and conflicts (both internal and external) – our own limiting beliefs and the judgements of others. I see this happen quite frequently.

In a recent Columbia Careers Coaching office hours I was leading, a forty year old woman questioned her “safe” career choices, worried that she’d spent too much time doing the “right” thing and following the rules, only to miss opportunities for joy. The responsible job and stable income she prioritized were now constraining her – fear was suppressing her creative instincts and desire to write.

One voice was clear, the loud sound of her parents’ warning: “You can’t earn a living doing anything creative!” which had long been ringing in her ears and mind.

Facing the Truth

Seeing evidence of others successfully earning a living pursuing their creative dreams was a reality check – causing her to question her own choices. But she wasn’t sure what to do, how to start or where to focus next.

When faced with a conflict between our desires and our belief systems, we hit a crossroads – which story, voice and message do we believe? The ingrained resistant one that tells us we can’t or the expansive optimistic one that realizes other possibilities exist?

Which voice is right? Or more importantly, which story do you want to repeat and build upon? Will you live in a fantasy world erected by your parents, friends and community that may be restricting you or will you break through to imagine a new world view to explore what truth is possible now?

You Won’t Know Until You Try

My advice to this woman and to you if you’ve ever faced or are facing a similar challenge, is to focus less on the worries (though they can be important to work through) and more on your own words and actions.

What messages will you choose to reinforce – the voice of doubt or of possibility?

Here are 3 ways you can move forward now:

1) DECIDE what you love and where you want to focus you energy.

2) CHOOSE one thing to do right now.

3) START with something manageable that is a light and actionable lift.

What might this look like?

Let’s say you want to begin writing, you could buy a journal and start morning pages (a daily 3 page stream of consciousness download outlined by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way which I highly recommend) or carve out time to write over the weekend, sign up for a writing course or buy a book about the craft of writing. If you love cooking, you could start experimenting with new recipes or plan to entertain friends more. Want to spend more time outdoors? Incorporate more walking breaks in your day.

You don’t have to quit your day job to become a poor starving suffering artist, though that path is available if you want it. You can take baby steps that move you closer to your dreams and let you follow your inner calling. Maybe your hobby deepens or it becomes a side hustle or consulting gig. You can’t and won’t know until you try.

The key here is to pay attention to what you care about and what lights you up! How can you do more of that – for you? Not for anyone else. In fact, you may want to tell those critical voices in your head to shut up and be quiet for a while. They’re not the boss of you, unless you let them be!

What’s one way you will listen to and trust your inner truth?

I’d love to hear an action you will take to pursue a personal interest in spite of your inner resistance. Hit respond and let me know.

Let’s Connect!

Want some more encouragement to find your path. Check out my book, So What Do You Do? The Authentic Alchemy Path to Find Who You Are for powerful exercises and practices that will guide you to uncover more of what inspires and brings you joy! Please consider leaving a positive reviews on Amazon (leave your review here – just scroll down the page to the Reviews section and look for the button that says “Write a customer review” under Review this product) or on GoodReads. I appreciate your input.