I help many people go through the process of change and know how overwhelming and daunting it can feel. To face your fears, push through them and do that challenging thing anyway. Particularly to face those challenges you may have been avoiding, running away from or not been ready to confront. And yet, it’s possible to look into the belly of the beast and get out without being eaten up alive.

As I’ve shared before (and will countless state many times again), change is not easy. It’s unsettling for our nervous system and can cause us to react strongly. We can choose to fight and resist change or flee and try to run away. Some people freeze and get stuck or fawn by denying their needs and trying to appease others or pretend nothing is wrong.

These are all natural responses to uncertainty which we seek to avoid at all costs. We prefer predictability and stability, typically reacting to discomfort or threat by trying to protect ourselves, yet these responses may be counter-productive as you might imagine. There is another way – to feel and deal. With awareness, we can make intentional choices that support our goals.

Quitting a job or telling off your boss in the heat of the moment might feel good for a second, until you face the fallout created by a kneejerk reaction. On the other extreme, avoiding responding to something upsetting by tamping it down or suppressing your emotions can be helpful until it starts eating you up from the inside. Avoiding difficult feelings isn’t particularly healthy if they then erupt later and more strongly in reaction to other triggers. Either response, going on offense or defense, can leave us disconnected from ourselves.

Avoidance isn’t the answer

We can find a thousand ways to avoid discomfort. I have my own “go to” strategies, like over-eating, shopping, procrastinating, watching social media. I’m sure you have your own variations of highly effective ways you try to hide. But stuff has a way of catching up with us.

I’m reminded of that classic Jack Nicholson scene where he tells Tom Cruise: “You can’t handle the truth!” in the movie A Few Good Men. And yet increasingly, we are being required to face the messy and complicated underlying truth of how difficult things can sometimes be. However, being with truth is the best way to deal with difficult situations. Figuring out how to go through the complexity and make sense of it is how we emerge, ideally victorious in the end. While not easy in the short term, facing the truth eventually reveals insights so we can act from a place of knowing in the long run.

Let me give you an example. A client, Mark, was contemplating leaving a job where he was unhappy, but he could basically do the work with his eyes closed. While it was boring, he enjoyed his colleagues enough and felt loyal to his organization. The thought of leaving (what he really wanted) was simply too overwhelming for him to contemplate doing anything about, so he felt stuck.

Mark had been at this company a few years, was comfortable, though uninspired, and things were fairly predictable, so inertia set in. The prospect of leaving caused him to freeze and panic. We did some exploration for Mark to envision himself in a new job. This would require him to face the truth – experience his fear and that difficult feeling of being out of his element to see what would happen.

As he sat with the panic for a few moments, he reconnected to his center, then felt more grounded. He recognized that he could be with the discomfort he had been avoiding. Mark could then face the dissatisfaction with his current situation. In fact, realizing he could navigate a new environment after the initial discomfort made staying where he was less of an option. His entire experience shifted as Mark acknowledged that he was ready for something new.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

All of which brings me back to the serpent and the phoenix. When faced with something new, do we need to go up in flames and die to who we were so we can be reborn again? Or can we shed those aspects of ourselves that we’ve outgrown, so that a new version of ourselves can emerge and step forward? Burn through the old or simply slough it off?

We don’t need to always throw everything away to start over again. You bring yourself wherever you are. Can you release the past without feeling the need to recreate who you are completely? I like to think of it as letting go of the unhelpful beliefs, attitudes, behaviors and experiences that were holding you down. Facing and dealing with them lets you break free and feel lighter.

We always have a choice about how we view our experience. Sometimes we need to clear cut the forest to make way for new growth to emerge (though this deforestation practice is only recommended in specific situations only). Other times we need to plant seeds that we water and nurture, patiently waiting for them to sprout in the right time and season. There is no single right way to create change or find a new way forward.

Mostly it’s a matter of recognizing your goals and seeing where you are now, what you need and what will best serve you going forward. If you’re feeling stuck, you might need to do something drastic to shift your situation and create some momentum. If you’re already in a crisis, creating more calm and consistency may help you stabilize so you don’t rock the boat even more.  Where you are at can help you clarify what is needed to move ahead.

There are so many parallels in nature and life right now. We’re undergoing an unprecedented period of calamity and crisis, from wars to nasty politics and climate upheaval. The real and metaphorical storms keep hitting us unexpectedly again and again. For those who have been impacted, dislocated and become unmoored by recent events and current circumstances, I am sending love and healing energy. May we return to our hearts, connect with a higher power and take practical steps to find and deliver the support needed to create peace and rebuild.

We are likely to all face periodic questions of whether to stay or go – keep doing what we’ve done or find new ways of being. Do we maintain strategies that may no longer work and try to rebuild on shaky foundations, or leave the old ways behind to start over again?. This can happen when we reach a certain age or stage or experience unexpected changes in our circumstances from situations beyond our control. There is no single solution, answer or approach that will work for everyone.

We need to be open to what is happening and find creative solutions. Going into hiding is not the answer. Of course, it’s natural to resist change until we’re faced with no choice but to do something. Hopefully we won’t wait that long. So many variables are at play, yet we always have agency and choice around how we react and respond.

While uncertainty is unsettling, we can learn to navigate it. We have no choice if we want to grow and adapt. We need to trust our ability to face our truth and rise to the occasion.