I’m not sure about you, but joy is a state of being I’d like to experience as much as possible. In fact, it’s something I realized I was longing for more of a few years ago and I have been actively pursuing it ever since. Not that I haven’t been happy, mind you, but joy seemed like next level and particularly meaningful in the face of so much chaos and pathos in the world. Perhaps you would like more of something else – fun, flow, ease or grace for instance. Do we imagine these states to exist outside ourselves, caused by others, or can we recognize our part in creating the experiences we want?

GOING WITHIN

While different events, activities or people can contribute to our experiencing positive emotions, for the most part joyfulness and its related happiness byproducts come from within. We allow ourselves to have more grace by getting out of our heads and into our hearts to be more connected to our actual experience and presence.

I’d like to report it’s been easy for me to find joy, but that has not always been the case.  Hence my active pursuit over the past few years. I would experience joy as a fleeting feeling that was often just outside and beyond my grasp. Out there. Somewhere in the distance, seemingly close by, but often beyond my knowing. Like a third cousin, twice removed.

As part of my effort to connect more closely with my cousins (my actual family and these possibly estranged feelings), I’ve become much closer to feeling true joy more often. I find her to be much more accessible because I’ve made the conscious choice to welcome joy and make her feel at home in my presence.

So how might you experience more…?

Step one for me was to notice where and how I felt blocked. Observing what actually got in the way of my desired pleasurable experience of joy (you fill in the blank here for yours). In many cases I was too much in my head, questioning or holding back. The irony of thinking about this too much isn’t lost on me. Other times, stress, anxiety, guilt, shame or some other limiting belief would get in my way and interfere with my experience, like static on a phone line.

I needed to peel back the layers to see what was really going on in, around and underneath my disconnection. I believe many complex emotional feelings are often multi-faceted wrapped round like coils, requiring us to unravel the related and underlying issues or perhaps a bit like pulling back the leaves of an artichoke until you finally get to the heart.  There can often be an unexpected painful little choke part there that we reach before we break through to the inner sanctum.

It can be helpful to set a clear intention to understand what’s going on for you. To acknowledge you are seeking more of something you value and this is an important undertaking.  Approaching it with curiosity and interest, ask yourself how you can create more of what you want. Having an attitude of openness is essential to welcoming something new into your life.

I also recommend being positive and optimistic about what you want. Try not to focus on the lack of it which can be a deterrent. Putting our energy into what we believe we don’t, won’t or can’t have simply serves to push it away from us even more energetically. The key is to notice and encourage the desire without letting it turn into neediness.  Consider a mindset that leans towards possibility and flexibility, rather than believing things are fixed and rigid.

An additional element is to find a state of invitation and non-attachment. Tricky I know – to find that balance between desire and demand. What you’re going for here is:

”I would love to spend more time with you (desired state of being), let’s hang out together more. I’m excited to find out more about you.”

Like the early stages of dating, be playful. Don’t get all grabby, but slow your roll and create that openness.

Making it real

Perhaps this sounds a bit esoteric and theoretical to you, this act of dancing with our desires. It’s actually quite practical. We have to shift our state of being and energetic frequency to energize those things that we want. Without going all “manifestation” and “The Secret” on you, from a rational point of view our thoughts create our belief systems which influence our experience of reality.  How can we create more authentic alignment between our words, thoughts and actions.

We need to activate our imagination fully too. To really allow ourselves to feel deeply, embody and experience that which we want in our mind’s eye. By seeing and believing it first, we can then “become it” and create the conditions to have what we want in the real world.

For me, when I stopped asking “why don’t I feel more joyful?” (notice the demand there) and started seeking joyfulness around me in more of my experiences, everything started to shift. Similarly for those I work with who are trying to switch careers or learn new skills, I strongly encourage them to move from focusing on what’s not working, the things they don’t have or how they used to be into where they are going, what they want and the new experiences they would like to have. We have to see it to be it!

DREAM BIG

The best way to imagine yourself deeply experiencing something different is to bring it alive with as many of your senses (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell) as possible.  For me, the experience of joy is akin to my floating on the ocean with the smell of roses wafting overhead as I eat dark chocolate and hear acid jazz playing in the background, followed by dancing tango.  That’s my version of complete pleasure embodied.

What would your desired emotional state or ideal experience be like?

• Can you immerse yourself in imagining it for a few minutes?
• What are you most excited about when you believe it could be possible?
• How does it feel?
• Do you notice anything shifting in your thoughts or feelings as you start to focus more on experiencing positivity and pleasure?

This reference to the Emotional Guidance Scale may be a helpful resource around different feeling states that can help you recognize where you are in the moment and how to raise your vibration to find more happiness. Just to be clear, no emotions are bad. They all serve a purpose and are important for us to understand. As we look to bring more positivity into our experience and raise our frequency, it can be valuable to understand how we may be holding us back from having more of what we want.

I’d love to hear what came up for you and your experience if you tried the imagination exercise. If you would like some support to find more joy, let me guide you.  Reach out to explore further.  In Freedom February, together we will design a custom coaching service package that can support you in whatever it is you are longing to create. More joy, happiness, fulfilment, financial success, freedom, fun. Let’s find your sweet spot!