Recently I’ve been asked about which areas people struggle with most frequently when trying to create more authenticity, searching for more soul-aligned meaningful work or trying to make any significant life or career changes.

While I believe each person’s experience is unique, I have observed several recurring patterns that appear frequently.

Here are 4 common areas where we may inadvertently be holding ourselves back from having and creating the life of our dreams.

• UNHELPFUL BELIEFS: Harboring critical thoughts about ourselves and others is a real buzz-kill. A persistently negative mindset signals to others and the universe that we don’t believe good things can come our way and stay. Messages of doubt often come from a well-trained (and often unconscious) inner voice that believes that we may not be worthy, hence we can’t get what we want or perhaps where we are and what we have now is not enough. For example: I’m too young and inexperienced to get the job I want. They won’t hire me because I’m too old and have more experience than they want. I can’t switch careers without getting another degree to make me more credible. These examples of stories we can tell ourselves point to places where we feel insecure or have unresolved emotions and reflect areas where we need to build our confidence and trust in our own abilities.
• PAINFUL PAST EXPERIENCES: Many of us have faced difficult challenges in our lives and/or work – from family issues to toxic office environments, bad bosses, nasty politics, layoffs or industry changes. Experiencing unanticipated difficulties can unsettle our nervous system and damage our faith in ourselves and the universe. Sadly, the rising political and economic uncertainty, disruptive new technologies and ecological disasters are making us all come face-to-face with new obstacles on a more frequent basis.
• LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS: Few of us like dealing with changes and uncertainty. However, choosing to live in La La Land, idealizing our lives or what is possible without recognizing reality, can bring us a rude awakening. Our attempts to protect ourselves (which often come from natural or learned self-defense strategies) can backfire when we don’t understand who we are and what we truly need (on the inside, for example to feel safe). Knowing your values and strengths, and what can bring you joy can help you appreciate what you have and when you find the right opportunities. Otherwise we can pursue false goals, only to feel disconnected as we make poor choices that don’t align with our needs. Too many people go right back to situations they loathe out of convenience, inertia or worry, instead of facing and dealing with their fears.
• DIFFICULTY TOLERATING DISCOMFORT: Of course we want to avoid pain (this is a universal human desire). However, we also need the ability to manage ourselves, our strong emotions and reactions to uncertainty (particularly in a world of constant flux). Without ways to process how we feel, we can get stuck in our heads, and disconnected from our hearts. Then we run the risk of internalizing stress, making ourselves sick or reacting inappropriately to challenges that arise (think road rage, telling off your boss or losing it with a service person). While these knee jerk responses may seem to give us relief in the moment, the fallout from our uncontrolled actions can be grave.

“The same walls you think you’re using to protect yourself are the same walls blocking your blessings.”
— Stephan Labossiere

So, How to Deal?

I’m a firm believer that we need to deal to heal. Embrace it and face it – to look at our situation with eyes wide open. The more we avoid, deny, ignore, overlook, make excuses or otherwise abdicate responsibility for our emotions, we are potentially courting disaster. Suppressing or pushing our feelings out of our consciousness drives them into our unconscious (the dark hidden recesses of our mind) where they can wreak havoc with our reactions.

Ignored emotions can be expressed in unhelpful ways when we act out, judge others, over-react, or get triggered in situations without realizing what’s really going on. When you bite the head of the barista who asked for your coffee order, without realizing that mostly they reminded you of your mother who you haven’t spoken to in weeks or there was some hidden connection you didn’t expect.

If you’ve experienced any or all of the patterns I outlined above, know that you’re not alone. We are complex multi-faceted individuals and you know: “it’s complicated!” Know that we can face our fears and overcome them by addressing our underlying blocks without blowing up our lives in the process.

Sometimes we need to come at our challenges directly because we have no choice, while other times maybe we need to approach them more gently from the side or at a bit of distance where we feel safe. Getting support from others can be helpful when things feel particularly sticky. Regardless of how we choose to address our underlying issues, at a minimum we are well-served by recognizing when something feels a bit off and acknowledging its impact on our lives.

Something New

Working through challenges is something I have significant experience with personally and through my coaching work with clients. I’ve encapsulated much of my insights and share multiple ways to work with your blocks in my book, So What Do You Do? The Authentic Alchemy Path to Find Who You Are. I intentionally designed it to be a self-help User Manual to empower you to understand yourself better, so you can find and create fulfilling life and work through personal growth.

I also know that moving through difficult phases can sometimes feel overwhelming. I will be sharing more about a new way that I can support you through change. I’m creating a new service to help you get more clarity and healing around the places where you might struggle. I’ll be sharing more about how to get your personalized REVEAL Report that lets me diagnose and clear your biggest block.

I typically do not offer one off coaching because I know that most changes take time. The REVEAL Report evolved as a way for me to provide you with incredible value, while also being of service. It’s a little bit of a “done for you” offering as an alternative to my intensive hands-on “done with you” coaching.

If you’ve been feeling stuck or burned out, wanting some guidance and direction or trying to move forward with more ease, I know this will give you tangible results and relief. If it sounds interesting and you’d like to learn more, schedule a complimentary Discovery Call to learn more.

Book Bounty

As I begin diving into my next big writing project, I’m reading more fiction to immerse myself, and would love to hear about what you may have recently read that you really enjoyed and recommend. I would appreciate hearing your suggestions and what you most liked about the book. I’m planning to share what I’m reading on GoodReads, so you can follow me here.

And as always, I do appreciate your positive book feedback and reviews on Amazon or GoodReads since your input can help make the book more accessible to others.

As always, if you want more support for showing up fully and authentically, let’s connect. Together, we will dive deep into what you long to create for yourself and what may be keeping you from having more fulfillment and ease.