Start by looking at your perspective

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So you want to change?

Change is an interesting thing. We think we want things to be different, but then we actually get freaked out when our situation starts to change. Of course, there are a few rare birds who really thrive on change, but I imagine that even they have those come to g-d moments wondering “what was I thinking?”

The Beatles had it right.,,,

“You say you want a revolution.
Well, you know, We all want to change the world.
You tell me that it’s evolution.
Well, you know, We all want to change the world

But when you talk about destruction
Don’t you know that you can count me out.”

Creating any kind of change, whether revolutionary or evolutionary requires breaking sh*t up or down (as the case may be).

Wanting isn’t enough

There are so many people I speak to who are interested in making a change. They want to switch careers, leave their job, move, do something different. They’re do unhappy, unfulfilled, frustrated, burnt out. And yet, they’ve been in the same situation for months, sometimes years. I get it and I’ve been there myself – frozen, stuck, treading water, thinking “what if it’s worse somewhere else?” Or maybe “well if I can just stick it out a few more months, until… I get my bonus, my promotion, my equity, my loans paid off.

Can you see how this is a trap? Our thoughts, patterns and actions are completely out of alignment. We’re saying one thing (“I want to change”) and doing something completely different (“Better do nothing and tolerate this supposedly intolerable situation.”) And yet this is what many of us do. There’s a reason it’s called limbo. That in between state of uncertainty, conflict and confusion. Like the dance, where you’re sort of moving forward with a purpose and bending yourself awkwardly backward hoping that you make it past the bar, but typically fall down stuck in some strange posture.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist the turtles!

KNOW WHEN YOU ARE STUCK

The first step is recognizing your situation and calling it out for what it is. Your actions aren’t supporting your thoughts, so something has to give. say what’s going on

CREATING REAL CHANGE

The true key to change is to commit to a plan of action and then make it happen, recognizing that shifting things may not be easy and is likely to take time.

  • Become aware of what you really want: interrogate your actual desires. Do you want to change because you think you should or do you really need to change? Are there small tweaks you can do to make things better?
  • Change your actions: Are you prepared to do the work needed to create change? If not, why not? What’s holding you back?
  • Change your beliefs: Do you have other thoughts that are actually stronger than your desire for change? For instance, I need a steady paycheck, I’m not sure if I’m ready, I’d rather focus on other things. See what’s really going on and if you decide that other things are more important, that’s okay. Just own it and let the pressure go.
  • Adjust your expectations: Can you stop beating yourself up if you’re not where you want to be? Maybe you need to create a more realistic timeline that makes sense for your current situation.
  • Celebrate small victories: Have you acknowledged what you have accomplished so far? Too often, we don’t actually appreciate the steps we have taken.

Sometimes we’re too close to a situation to figure out what’s really going on. For instance, I’ve wanted to lose some weight since COVID. I made some progress with exercise and diet tweaks, but couldn’t make them stick. I realized I was focused on the wrong motivation. While of course, being a few pounds lighter would make me happier because I could wear certain clothing, it wasn’t an inspiring enough goal to drive me to truly change.

FOCUS ON YOUR VISION

When I realized that I really want to create better health and longevity, it was easier for me to recognize the actual changes needed. I’m playing the long game and a fundamental re-think of how I spend my time, what I eat along with my thoughts and behaviors is in the works. We’re talking major game change required on all levels and this is a work in progress. Watch this space for more to follow as I try to let go of meat, gluten, dairy, caffeine, sugar and soy (among other things). I can’t tell you that I’m looking forward to my body’s initial revolt, but I am excited to see what’s on the other side of healthy and how that feels.

Hopefully you will recognize when you WANT to make a change and take action before you really NEED to make a change. It’s the difference between having choice and control vs. responding to a crisis and being reactive. When we wait too long to make the changes that are needed, often circumstances conspire to cause us to change whether we are ready or not. This can take the form or a layoff, professional setback, health issue or other unanticipated life event. As I always say, it’s your choice what you do and where you focus. While it’s better to avoid a crisis, they can also be powerful opportunities for change.

If it’s time to stop talking or complaining about your situation and you are ready to start acting, let’s make that sh*t happen! Reach out to talk about your next steps because I know you can change things up for the better if that’s what you really want.

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