Our experience is heavily influenced by our thoughts.  If you think things won’t work out, then you are predisposed to proving this is true. You’re wearing amber shades that make things darker, rather than rose-colored glasses. That’s our confirmation bias at work – we tend to find support for and reinforce what we already believe.  Wikipedia has all sorts of helpful background on how and why this happens to us.  Suffice it to say that what we think can create our reality.

One of the least helpful beliefs that I’ve had in the past and find that many clients share is “what if things are bad everywhere and I can’t find what I want?”
This one tends to be a show-stopper.  This line of thinking reinforces the fear that markets are down, most companies are messed up, new work will be difficult to discover or will suck and it’s probably not worth trying to change things.

Can you see how this way of thinking is a recipe for disaster?  It can keep you stuck by creating fear of change, immobilizing you into believing you can’t have more, won’t find something better or that life is hard.  Basically, this story is something like: “I have to put up with being unhappy because I can’t or won’t find something better.”  It perpetuates self-sacrifice and can lead to depression, burn out and health issues. No fun to be found anywhere.

I remember having this feeling for years earlier in my career after experiencing some professional challenges from bad bosses to back-stabbing colleagues, stressful roles to toxic workplaces. To keep my head above the fray, I kept treading water and running on the hamster wheel – if only I did more, faster, better was my mindset, then I could get through it.  I had to figure out how to win, get through and get ahead.  I believed if I muscled through and got to the top or was more senior that maybe I could change my situation or environment and make things better.

I’d love to report that I stuck it out, pushed through all my blocks and emerged victorious, but then I’d be lying. The only way I got out was after deep personal reflection and doing some major soul searching to realize I didn’t want to buy into that f*cked up reality any more.  It was time for me to find something better.

Sometimes we come to this realization quickly, but more often than not it’s a slow burn. Until one day something snaps, crackles or pops and it hits us like a ton of bricks that we’re ready for a change. The denial stops working and the cracks in the facade start to get bigger until they can no longer be ignored.

WHAT IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT?

There is hope that change can happen more easily!  It literally starts with questioning your initial assumption that things won’t be better elsewhere and that you can’t find what you want.  Focusing on what you do want, rather than what you don’t want, and believing that you can find something better. While the grass isn’t always greener, intentional choices can lead to exciting new opportunities.

What if you could find something more meaningful, fulfilling and enjoyable?  An ideal environment where you liked your work, colleagues and boss, believed in the organization’s mission and offerings and felt that you could make a positive impact.  Oh yeah, and you were fairly compensated and had some work/life balance.  Where you were satisfied with both your life and your work and not just a shell of yourself trying to keep your sh*t together to pay the bills.

Am I spinning a fantasy up for you or is this possible?  I believe you can find whatever it is that you’re looking for once you’re clear on what that is. Clarifying what you care about and might truly enjoy, not just doing more of what you’ve done because that’s all you’ve known.  And it can help to know what you don’t want. What will you no longer accept or tolerate?  Considering what would really light you up?

Going through the yuck to get the yum

Sometimes the best way to discover what you really want is to uncover what you don’t want.  It really is that easy!  Seeing and knowing what isn’t for you is the fastest way to clarify what you would prefer.  When you’re feeling a strong “no” about something, that means that you’re actually getting closer to a full-bodied “yes.”  And that’s what’s worth waiting for – the knowing that you’ve found a sweet spot.

Impatience be damned!

Now comes the tricky part. Can you remind and reassure yourself that what you want is out there. You will find it, eventually, but it just may be a matter of time.  Miracles don’t happen overnight, but I believe and know that magic is possible. I’ve seen it happen so many times for others and myself.  It’s often unexpected. Like when you don’t go looking for something, it somehow finds you.

Like going from the worst job of my career to the best.  From toxic cut-throat nastiness and boring work for a horrible manager that made me sick to my stomach to stimulating work with smart colleagues in a dynamic industry where I felt challenged and empowered to grow.  Did I luck into it?  Yes, and. I did my due diligence, which I hadn’t done the first time, so I knew when I found something that was going to be a much better fit for me.

As you can see, things certainly don’t happen without making any effort. However this all starts by shifting your focus from the unhelpful belief you can’t have what you want to the more inspiring belief that what you want is out there and you just need to find it.

You may need to let go of the exact form and outcome because we can’t always control that. We can never really know how something is going to turn out. However as soon as you start to put positive energy into what you really want, then you will create more opportunities for that to come to you.  You will start seeing more of that wherever you look.  This starts to build as you become curious about how to find even more good stuff, and the positive momentum starts to propel you forward.

This is how all that curiosity, interest in learning and pursuing your passion come together. Your work is to become a heat-seeking missile directed at what you want.  Turning off and jettisoning all the extra weight that’s holding you down and back.  The unhelpful beliefs, old stories and heavy baggage that will not be helpful for the new adventure you are pursuing.  Time to let that sh*t go.

Want some more inspiration?  This is powerful mindset shifting work that creates incredible ease and excitement about what is possible.  It’s a wonderful way to become unstuck and move beyond feeling unmotivated, overwhelmed or unhappy.  I’d love to explore what can bring you more joy and fulfillment and encourage you to imagine: “what if it really were possible and easy to have more of what I want?” Reach out for a Discovery Call to connect and learn more!